“What is it then – faith versus truth? She grasped the unthinkable fact of a man who was guilty and knew it and was trying to escape by inducing an emotion of guilt in his victim.
What is it that you want to be loved for?
“To be loved for!… you think that love is a matter of mathematics, of exchange, of weighing and measuring, like a pound of butter on a grocery table? I don’t want to be loved for anything. I want to be loved for myself – not for anything I do or have or say or think. For myself – not for my body or mind or words or works or action.”
But then… what is yourself? Do you want love to be causeless?
“Love is its own cause! Love is above cause and reasons! Love is blind! What’s the generosity of loving a man for his virtues? What do you give him? Nothing. It’s no more than cold justice. No more than he’s earned.”
I never thought and nobody ever told us how it could be thought of and what it would mean – the unearned spirit. But that is what you want. You want unearned love. You want unearned admiration. You want unearned greatness. You want to be a man… without the necessity of being anything.
“Nobody’s ever loved me,” he said. “There isn’t any love in the world. People don’t feel. I feel things. Who cares about that? I’m very lonely. Maybe I’m just a hopeless idealist looking for the impossible.”
Why should it be impossible?
“That’s it. That’s the trouble – you asking all those why’s. Your constant asking of a why for everything. What I’m talking about can’t be put into words. It can’t be named. It has to be felt. Either you feel it or you don’t. It’s not a thing of the mind but of the heart. Don’t you ever feel? Just feel without asking all those questions!”
Whenever anyone accuses someone about being “unfeeling” he means that that person is just. He means that that person has no causeless emotions and will not grant him a feeling which he does not deserve. He means that “to feel” is to go against reason, against moral values, against reality. Observe that you never hear that accusation in defense of innocence, but always in defense of guilt. You never hear it said by a good person about those who fail to do him justice. But you always hear it said by a rotter about those who treat him as a rotter, those who don’t feel any sympathy for the evil he’s committed or for the pain he suffers as a consequence. Well, it’s true – that is what I do not feel. But those who feel it, feel nothing for any quality of human greatness, for any person or action that deserves admiration, approval, esteem. These are the things I feel. You’ll find that it’s one or the other. Those who grant sympathy to guilt, grant none to innocence. And then you’ll see what motive is the opposite of charity.